Never alone
by monocledog
Summary: Natasha gets some bad news and has to break it to Bruce.


The first thing she does is panic of course, but it was only for a second. She was trained not to stay in the state of shock or fear for too long or it would be her head. She sits on the sink, with her back on the mirror, and just stares at the word YES on the stick she had just recently urinated on. She tosses the pregnancy test into a bin and takes another to make sure.

About ten tests later, all yielding the same result, she came to accept the fact that she is pregnant. She's also surprised at how much urine she can generate in a short period of time. She knows what she has to do before the situation gets any worse, and it's not like she's afraid to. It's just going to be one of the endless things she has killed. But how could she let this happen and how could she let it get this far? When did she start being a human?

Just eight weeks ago she was just about to kill a man to complete a mission, but then his daughter ran to him. The little girl held onto her dad and begged Natasha not to kill him. She was crying, screaming and begging and she wouldn't let go of her dad. The little girl looked like a puppy clinging onto its owner. Normally she could have shot the man regardless of what the little girl had said and done, but this time she couldn't do it. She put her gun down and one second later an arrow goes through the man's head. Clint of course. When she got back to Stark Tower she was angry and disappointed with herself. Why couldn't she kill the man? Why couldn't she have just ignored the little girl? She was becoming weak, but why? It was them of course, the goddamn Avengers. She's been staying with them for too long. There was Clint who would always act like a little or older brother to her, depending on the situation. Steve with his A+ personality and American boy charm, and Thor who's always friendly and open minded. Stark can be nice at times too, and Bruce-

Oh God Bruce. There's no doubt the thing growing inside her is partially his fault too, but should she tell him? Would he care, especially with the kind of relationship they have? His mind is always so occupied with finding a cure that the only time he would play any attention to her are when they're on a mission or when they're fucking. It's not like they're in love or they're together. No, what they have is what normal people call a fuck buddy or a booty call. But to them it's a way to escape from being alone. It's a way to escape from the fact that you're unloved and nothing but a heartless monster whose sole purpose to be used a tool to kill others. And no one understands what it's like being a monster better than Bruce. So maybe that's why she sought after Bruce and started this whole fiasco between them. Because even though they consider themselves as monsters, at the end of the day they are still human. They still have those pesky human things called emotions. They still get sad, angry, disappointed, flustered, confused, and lonely. Yeah, it's that need, that desire. The desire to be loved was the driving motivation between their exchanges. Even though they're only together for a few hours it's still better than nothing. In those hours she doesn't have to think about being alone all time or the thought that no one genuinely cares about you or when you're dead no one will cry for you let alone arrange a funeral for you. She doesn't have to think about who's going to replace her once she's dead or if anyone would miss her once she's gone. Those hours with Bruce are what keeps her from turning into a mindless killing machine and it keeps her human. And she absolutely hated it. She wished she wasn't so needy and wished she was void of emotions. It keeps her distracted from her job.

She finally steps out of the bathroom and heads to Bruce's lab. She decides to tell him, besides he has the right to know. She sees him through the glass door working tirelessly on samples of his own blood. His hair is messy and he hasn't shaved for days. He hasn't slept for days too. The bags under his eyes were very visible and the endless cups of coffee he drinks makes it even worse. He notices her when she enters and tries to make himself look a bit presentable. "H-Hey Natasha", he stammered, "How are you?"

"I'm fine" she answered "May I talk to you about something?"

"Uhhh well, I don't think I have time for _that _right now. I'm working on a cure and I think I almost have it" he says with a smile. The cure. Always working on the goddamn fucking cure. She hated it when he does that. Why can't he just accept the fact the Hulk is going to be with him forever? No matter how many times he thinks he has the cure it would never work. And what if he did miraculously cure himself and the Hulk was needed? What would they do?

"It's not about sex Bruce. I just want to let you know I'm pregnant."

His smile disappears and he turns to stare at her, his eyes getting wider and wider. If they get any wider his eyes will fall out, she thinks. There's a bit of an awkward silence between them but he finally speaks. "What are you going to do?" he asks quietly

"I'm going to abort it immediately." She responded with a dead tone.

"Are you going to be okay with that?" he questioned her.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" she was getting defensive.

"Just…nothing. Whatever you want to do I'll support you in your decision" he says it without looking at her in the eye and goes back to work. She stares at him for a little and then she leaves without saying goodbye. She didn't return to Stark Tower that night or the day after or the day after.

Bruce noticed her absence but was too nervous to say anything. The other's think she's on a missions. He asks Clint if he has seen her, but he hasn't. She's been missing for four weeks and he's genuinely worried. He goes as far as contacting Fury and he tells him she's on vacation. He asks how long and he tells Bruce he's not sure. Tony asks if he's feeling sick and Bruce tells him he's fine. He couldn't concentrate on his work. He couldn't stop thinking about Natasha and where she was. Why would she be gone so long? He understands she needs some time to recover but she's been gone for weeks. Even a normal person would be fine. It wasn't like she was emotionally damaged; Natasha's not that kind of person. Ten days pass. He puts his cure on hold and spends the majority of his time trying to figure out where Natasha is. Tony notices him spending days and nights in front of a screen and he's worried for him. But he knows Bruce is worried for her, so he leaves him alone.

The only information Bruce finds is the location of her apartment. He ends up in front of her door and knocks a total of twenty seven times. He waits for two minutes and hears movements coming from inside. The door doesn't open but he knows she's facing the door. "How did you find this place?" she called out "Did Stark help you?"

"No, but I used his technology" he answered nervously.

"What do you want?"

"Can I come in and talk to you?" he shrugged. There's more silence but the door opens. She's wearing a plain T-shirt, a pair of sweat pants and her hair is messy. She looks like she just woke up. She also looks irritated with him. She gestures for him to enter and he walks in awkwardly. Her apartment was fairly empty and it had a cold appeal to it. The blinds were drawn and the only light is coming from a lone lamp in the left corner. She plops down on a black couch and orders him to sit down.

"What do you want to talk about?" she asks

"I was just wondering where you were the past couple of weeks "he said

"I was here"

"This whole time?"

"Yes" she answered. She wants him to leave and he knows. He can tell by the way she was talking to him, but he intends on getting some answers from her.

"Why?"

"I needed a break."

"You could have had a break at the tower. They have excellent service" he joked

"I needed a break from you people"

He stares at her. He felt a little hurt. She stares back; her eyes were angry and she was uncomfortable with him here. She wished he was gone.

"Why? What did we do?" he asked

She looks away from him and stares at her feet. "You guys didn't do anything. It's just me. Can you please leave?" she requested.

"Natasha what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just leave me alone, go back to the tower Bruce."

"Natasha tell me what's wrong" he pressed on

"Nothing! Just go away Bruce! Get the fuck out! I don't want you here!" she lashed out furiously. She got up, walked into her room and slammed the door shut. Bruce sighed and he got up from the couch. He opened the door to her room and found her in bed under her comforter.

"Leave or I'll kill you" She said.

"Natasha are you still pregnant?"

Silence. He waited on a little but still no answer.

"Natasha are you still pregnant?" he repeated, this time he walked up to her bed and sat down on the floor beside her. She was still under the comforter and Bruce couldn't see her face. He waited for a couple more minutes staring at her still form. He took the silence as a yes to his question.

"Why didn't you get an abortion?" he asked gently. He slowly raised his hand over her head and pulled the comforter down a bit to see her. Her eyes were red and she was crying, her face was blank though.

"Why didn't you get an abortion?" he asks again. She smiles and chuckles. She looks up at him and asks "Are you disappointed?"

"I don't really know how I feel. Why are you still pregnant?

She closes her eyes and presses her face into her pillow. She says something but he couldn't hear her. He laughs a bit. "I can't hear you if you talk like that" he nudges her a little "C'mon, why are you still pregnant?" She shakes her head no and turns her back to him. "Did you actually want to keep it? Did you want to be a mom?" he asks her with a smile on his face. The thought of it was oddly funny to him. Her shoulders were shaking and she opens her mouth to speak but it only comes out as gasps. She finally chokes out "Yes."

"But why? We're not fit to be parents" She's fully crying now. The tears are pouring out and she can't control her shaking.

"Because I want someone to love me. I want someone to love me unconditionally no matter what. It's selfish, I know. But I don't care" she was struggling to speak "When this kid gets here I'm gonna love it so much. I'm gonna give it everything I never had. It's going to be smart and I'm going to teach it how to fight and defend itself. I'm gonna smother it with love and it'll probably get annoyed by me but I don't care cause I know it'll love me back. It'll love me back not for only a couple of hours or nights. It'll love me forever, no matter what and I won't have to feel lonely ever again!"

Bruce was heartbroken. He didn't know she felt that way and he was guilty. He let her continue crying and he couldn't do anything but sit there and look at her. He didn't know what to do so he climbed up on the bed and wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry" he said into her shoulder. She laughs a little and says "I'm so pathetic"

"No you're not. I'm sorry"

She continued crying and Bruce just held her.


End file.
